i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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