if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
