I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
