eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
