I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
pop tarts are not kleenex
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
