I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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