Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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