I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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