you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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