I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
