Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
