Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
