we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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