Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
