just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
