i just wanna soil my oats bro
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
