I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
