and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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