and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
