Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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