when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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