the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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