two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i think i just lost a toe
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
