I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
