I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
