From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
