Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize