I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
