How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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