I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
