Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
