i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
