Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
