I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
