obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
