? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
