i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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