clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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