And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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