I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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