did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
