he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
