I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
