I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
