dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
