Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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