Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
