pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
