I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
