Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
