I have demons in me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
