i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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