imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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