after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
