You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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