Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
