im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
