We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
