I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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