piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
