you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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