Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
