So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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