so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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