So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His nipple licking is glorious
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