Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Found your dick twin last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
